On My Own
by Nashayla
Summary: A Songfic to the song On my own written and performed by the newly formed band Hedley. Sponsered by Dorito's. The lyrics posted in italic writing are not mine, but those of Hedley. Read and Review...


**On My Own**

**By Nasha Brownridge**

_Stayed awake all night toss and turnin'_

_Now my blood shot eyes are burnin'_

_Workin' out why this ain't workin'_

_Fight after fight after fight_

_And now it's killin' me_

_You were too busy to believe in_

_All the run away dreams I was dreamin'_

_Time to pack up and go I'm leavin'_

_Fight after fight after fight_

As the clocks struck midnight, it became hard to believe the fighting still continued. Sitting upon the armchair nearest the fire, Harry merely watched as his two best friends fought, making him feel, not for the first time, like they would never speak again once they were finished with each other. Tapping his fingers upon the velvety material, his temper began to rise ever so slowly. It was always the same, left so unchanged...when placed in the same room, Ron and Hermione just couldn't get along. Of course they had their moments when their friendship seemed so strong and unbreakable...when it was so obvious they were in love.

"Oh Ron, why do you have to be so stupid! You know the kiss meant nothing to me...it was years ago, can't you put it behind you?" said Hermione's exasperated voice, as she tried to make Ron see reason. "He didn't mean anything to me, you know that Ron!" she said, her words clearly sincere as her eyes pleaded for some sort of sympathy. Looking over to Ron, Harry could see he was nowhere near acceptance. It was hard sometimes; being Ron's best mate...he was, sometimes just so stupid. In times like these Harry would sit silently, speaking about a word every hour. Never would he do anything to risk his relationship with either of them, therefore taking sides was not an option.

"Oh well then, that settles it. You're one of those girls who goes around, kissing guys at random aren't you? I never would imagine you to be worst then my sister Hermione. I mean I never kissed anyone before y-" he stopped, realizing his terrible mistake. Less then a year ago, if you'd been even visiting the Gryffindor Common Room you would have been likely to find Ron snogging Lavender, rarely coming up for breath. "I mean...well before you - you kissed Krum!" he said just a second too late. He'd given Hermione too much thinking time, and with that both Harry and Ron knew she could do extraordinary things. The mention of Ginny angered him...How dare he speak of Ginny that way. Was he implying this upon Harry as well? Hadn't she loved him, like he'd loved her? Shaking it off he realized, Ron was her brother...such behaviour should be expected. His thoughts were however interrupted by Hermione's shill cries.

"You Ronald Weasley are a liar! I asked you to Slughorn's party, didn't I? It wasn't me wrapped around Lavender Brown, was it...no it was you! I couldn't have meant that much to you...l-like you meant to me!" she cried, knees practically giving way. This was clearly one of the rare occasions when she gave in to him. As Ron went to speak she cut him off, sounding as though she'd just performed Legilimency upon him within the minutes pause. "I know I went with Mclaggen...I know, but do you really think I wanted to go with him? It was you I asked...god you're so thick sometimes Ron!"

An awkward silence over came them both, leaving Harry completely speechless as usual. He knew his input would do nothing, so he just kept quiet thinking of nothing but why they just couldn't get along. Though they would never see it, to see the two people in the world who meant so much to him bickering and fighting, tore him apart. Of course, he'd grown used to it, slowly day by day...but at times he just wanted to scream about how it had become too much to take. Slumping back in his seat, he let out a low groan which was left unheard by the others. For a moment he zoned out, escaping from the moment in which he was living...the mention of his name brought him back to his senses.

" - we've got to go with Harry on the journey, so you'd better grow the hell up Ron, or I'm afraid it'll be your immaturity that kills me on the mission." said an angry Hermione, placing her hand firmly upon her hip. Harry felt the heat rise in his face, skipping red and moving directly to pure scarlet. Is that how she felt?...it seemed, they weren't taking this all seriously...there was so much more to it then killing Voldemort. To him, it was the dying wish of an old man who had meant so much to him...it was what he owed Dumbledore after many years of support.

"NO ONE TOLD YOU THAT YOU HAD TO COME!" he yelled suddenly, jumping to his feet. "You don't have a clue what we're facing, either of you! Why don't you see this is more then just a dream to me? I need to do this...I want to do this, did you know that, or have you been too busy fighting with each other to realize ANYTHING? Maybe if you took one second to consider what was coming, you wouldn't be fighting in the first place. I know what love is, and I know Ron loves you Hermione, and you love him back. Why can't you both show it already!" and with those heart-felt words, he stormed from the room making his way solemnly to his room at the burrow, in which he'd inhabited for the time being.

_And now I gotta be_

_On My Own_

_And living in a world alone_

_Gets better every day_

_That I don't have to say I'm sorry I'm coming home_

_I'm gonna make it on my own_

_I'll always take the harder road_

_Gets better every day_

_That I don't have to say I'm sorry I'm coming home_

Even before he'd reached the room, his decision was ready and made. They would not be coming, and for once in his life he would embark on this journey alone. It was his world now...and he needed to face it head on. Things would get better, he'd get used to life alone, but it hurt now. Ever since the word had gotten out to the public that he was leaving, he'd been receiving reviews and post saying he was betraying the magical community. No where inside his mind or heart did he feel sorry or the need to apologize. From behind him he heard footsteps creeping up the stairs, and a creak of the opening door. Without looking over his shoulder he threw his newly washed bottle green robes into his trunk.

"I'm not going to apologize to anyone." he said blindly, knowing that they were both standing silently behind him. "It's my turn to see my parent's graves; it's my turn to go home. No one can stop me, not even you guys. I'll be alright on my own; I'm not an eleven year old anymore. Sure, when we were younger I needed you guys there by my side...and now all I need is your support. It's not forever that someone needs their friends their holding their hand threw everything. I need to save myself, fall from the building alone." he spoke quietly, finally looking over his shoulder to see too identical looks of sympathy. "Oh wipe those looks off your faces; you'll be alright without me."

"You don't have to say sorry, mate but you're wrong...we do need you and we are going with you." said Ron, supporting an odd half-smile. "But hey, what do I know I grew up with a family." he whispered, shrugging his shoulders. He did his best to speak in a manner that would not raise Harry's temper any more. Already before he'd seen one of his best friend's tantrums, and he was in no mood for another. "We won't let you go alone, it'll make things too difficult. When you need us we'll be there, even if sometimes you just need to be alone...we'll just leave." he offered, uncertainty clear in his voice.

Harry listened intently, but merely shook his head in response. Of course, they would continue to insist that they would be accompanying him, but whether they understood or not he knew what needed done. The journey which had been meant for him and Dumbledore would be set upon by only him. "Maybe it should be difficult. It was supposed to be Dumbledore, but that's been made difficult as he's dead!" said bitter Harry, as he threw the sneakoscope he'd been given years and years ago by Ron into his trunk, following his robes.

"You can jump from the building alone Harry, but let us be there at the bottom ready to catch you." she breathed, twirling a piece of her bushy brown hair around her finger, knotting it more then it currently was. "You think he'd want you to go alone, just because he can't be here for you now? He'll always be there...wasn't it you who said he will give help to us as long as those who remain are still loyal to him? Where's that loyalty now Harry! You and I both know what he'd want, and that's for you to go and defeat him...with those you care about." she said wisely, taking a step closer and pulling Ron with her.

_How'd you end up oh so jaded?_

_Cynical and so sedated_

_Can't live in this world you created_

_Day after day after day_

"I'm just tired...sick and tired of everyone telling me what to do, who I love and who I don't. You two are the only ones who know what happened that night with Dumbledore...yet still, they seem to think they know how it felt to lose him. Everyone is affected now he's gone, because people everywhere knew or cared for him. It's not me alone who suffers, but I just feel so worn without him to go to." he admitted, sitting down on his mattress which squeaked below him. "We're growing up in this world...it's what he wanted, it's what he created. Every day of our lives we are surrounded by the world he's shaped...and I hate it. I can't live like this, I need to stop it for good so the kids being born today won't have to feel this way about life." he said, gripping his own jet black hair, which already without his help stood out in every direction.

"What happened to you?" said Ron's disgusted voice. Harry looked up in surprise. "What happened to our hero. Whether or not you want to be, you're the only one we have left to save us. What happened to the boy we grew to know...the boy who would do anything to achieve his far-fetched dreams. Dumbledore would want you to believe in yourself. Wake up mate, this is the real world...and its up to you now." he said, as Hermione clutched his hand and pulled him this time right to the bed on which Harry was sitting. Falling back between the two, Ron stared intently at Harry, face set.

_You will always be the lonely one_

_You will always try to swallow the Sun_

_Just remember you could never make it rain on everyone_

It was then that thought overcame him. This is, what Voldemort had strived for so long to achieve. His whole life he'd been trying to bring down those who were strong, diminishing them to nothing more then himself. Harry would not allow it...no matter what he said or did, it would be he, the Dark Lord who remained alone and unloved. It would be him who would never love a single soul, because he could no longer feel the pain of others. Perhaps he'd never had that power in the past, but either way it disgusted Harry to think someone could be so heartless. Never had he in his life felt sorry for the evil man, and he never would as long as he lived and knew of what he'd done to the world, muggle and magic. It was because of him that so many families like his own had been ruined, and that children and adults alike were left to suffer at his hands.

"He can destroy every home and family, but he will never get me. Not this time..." he said, speaking more to himself then to Ron and Hermione. Feeling them beside him made him feel alive...and loved. It was not he who was alone, but Voldemort. "It's me who needs to face him...to destroy him. You can come as far as you want with me, but when the time comes you need to promise me...promise me you won't let his hate effect you. If I say to, you have to promise to run and never come back for me. If I tell you to jump, you have to do it without a doubt. Promise me now you will, upon stepping out this door do everything I say without question" demanded Harry, repeating the instructions Dumbledore had given him, only with his own little twists. He knew they would not agree willingly, but he would take whatever measures necessary to see that they made this promise.

The two of them stared pointlessly at him, clearly lost in awe of what he'd said. Not only had he just given them his word that they could come, but he'd also asked them to make a promise they did not want to keep. Expression never faltering, he stared them both down waiting for the promise...waiting for their word. Silently, wordlessly it happened...both his friends nodded. In their eyes he could find the promise he was looking for...it was enough. He knew now, they would do however drastic his demans may be, whatever he said.

Not another word was spoken. Both Ron and Hermione nodded first to him, then to each other bidding goodnight without words. Standing upon shaky legs, they walked one after the other through the door leading to their shared room across the hall. Satisfied Harry followed just to the door, shutting it quietly behind them. Moving now to his nearby desk, he sat picking up from its surface a rainbow quill and a yellowed roll of parchment. Before he began to write, he closed his eyes...in his mind he could see the faces of his parents, of Ron and Hermione...of Dumbledore. He would not fail them...failure was not an option.

_On my own_

_And living in a world alone_

_Gets better every day_

_I don't have to say I'm sorry I'm coming home_

_Dear Mum and Dad:_

_I know I can do it. I know wherever you are now, you have your fingers crossed because you believe in me. You always have, and you always will, even if I'll never see you there. Everyday I grow stronger, braver and begin to understand everything I've been told since I came to know my fate. I'm thanking you for everything...mum for saving me, something I know now was a choice, not a necessity. And to dad...for having such good friends. Sure Pettigrew isn't exactly who you thought him to be, but Lupin and Sirius...I just hope they were as good to you as they are to me, because that would make you the luckiest friend. It's just like me...Ron and Hermione are more then I could ever have asked for. _

_On the train every year it was Mrs. Weasley who kissed me goodbye. I always wonder what it would be like if that were you mum. If you were still here, I wonder what I would have said...would I have taken you both for granted? I just don't know...but what I do know now is that I love you mum and dad. One day I'll be there, maybe sooner then you'd think. Mum, Dad..._

_I'm coming home._

_Love Harry._


End file.
